Time, time and time again... Looks like I'm missing a lot of that thing
I know it may seem like I only come in and leave right away from here, but that's far from the truth. I read all the lovely comments, yet I don't always answer time-wise, as I want answers to be appropriate and to show how much I really appreciate the attention of this community. I've been around deviantart for most certainly a decade now, and since I started 3D art, on this profile for the full 4 years so far. It's an AMAZING experience, I quiet often state that I have learned art here, at the school of deviantart, because this is where it all started, before all other social networks - this place was the place my art found its first home and first acceptance. I never forget that, and that is why I keep coming back.
But years in business take its toll, and time available becomes short to keep track of everything I get to do in a day. I know it may seem I just post now and then, throw an image out and run away... But in reality there is much more art awaiting to be posted, and while I try not to clutter the feeds and spam wit posting 5 pieces at once, I've gotten myself into a backlog with things copyrighted to 2016 artwork. So it looks I will have to post more frequently to get it all out now by the end of the year, so expect MORE artwork, more videos (this is a new feature and I am so very excited and humbled by the feedback of my timelapse videos), and I will try showing how much I actually DO genuinely care for all your feedback and try to catch on replying to everything I have missed.
This may explain why I am so scattered around, so keep reading.
Yes I mostly render for Elite Models 3D, our promotional artistic team, where we work with vendors, make art for their content and showcase them in albums on social networks, most of it being Facebook where I am the easiest to contact directly. So basically all art you see me posting has been originally done for that purpose, first to promote products, and then to add to my portfolio. That's the ultimatum I had to make a while ago to catch up with both, so my promotional renders are done just as I would do my art in general, nothing less, to justify the style and quality (if there is any) behind my name.
But there is also the personal field. As we call it, life, a thing I often joke I don't really have outside of this all.
But truth being, I do have it, and it's been a rollercoaster ride for the past 2-3 years of my life, filled with joys, happiness, but also anxieties, panic attacks, health ups and downs, having a job, then leaving a job to do only art; meeting a man but having him across the world and now working on finally moving me across the world to be with him. Yes it is exactly as crazy as it sounds, and we have recently gotten a date, booked the tickets, and my BIG final move across the world is happening by the end of January 2017. It's scary and exciting, and joyful and a little sad when you realize you're about to call it quits with everything you've made in one place, to move to a completely different one. Thousands of miles away.
But that is the life I chose, just as I chose this one before it. And I am so very proud of myself, my achievements, my battles lost and won and all the wonderful people I got to meet both online and in person in these 30-something years of my presence in this world. Yes, I'm that old, lol, something being 4, years being 34 in total. I can't believe it either, it's been just yesterday when I turned 19 and moved away from my home town to pursue college and try build up some kind of a future for myself. And all that stopped making sense till about 3 years ago now, and got a whole another sense of itself.
I'm not a romantic. I'd often say if you buy flowers it better not be for me,I often said I don't believe in marriage, or love, after having my heart broken over again. I even often said I will never trust people again no matter how close to me they were or how much I cared for them. I've developed one bad temper along as well, which helped keeping people on distance, one thing I am not proud of along. And all that somehow got worth the risk again, to open up, to fall in love, to change my life and start anew, by the ending this coming January, to leave all behind and start fresh.
Gosh that sounded hellova dramatic, LOL.
Look, I don't know why we are all here. I don't know what the right thing to do is, if we should do the jobs we hate to earn what we need to obtain things that aren't necessary. But at one point I couldn't do that. I've had my share and I know almost every single person gets that wakeup call when they ask themselves "Is this really worth it, is this my life?" I was misdiagnosed 4 years ago with something awful, the C world, not yet confirmed when I was told about it (and later luckily proven false), but that was my wakeup call. When someone looks you dead in the eye and breaks you the news, the world stops. Your job no longer matters, all that money you think you should earn doesn't matter, all those fake friends and pass-by friendships made out of courtesy do not matter, that casual relationship you're in holds no value anymore. You tell yourself, well this is NOT how I wanted stuff to be, I didn't want all this temporary stuff to be all I have ever done to get somewhere in life I may never get to. You realize your time is running out for everything you ever wanted to do.
I think that wakeup call is important. It's important to not want temporary things anymore. It's important to strive for bigger, and not settle for less. Go big, or go home. Said the hermit who loves being home, but you get what I mean. If you open yourself for bigger things, they will come. Look at me, I hear a lot of people saying I was "lucky" I had it all "handed on the silver platter", at times I let them say that, at other times it pisses me off. I fought for this
, and everyone should for theirs. I went through loosing, to being on the bottom, to be deep in depression, loosing hope and loosing strength, fighting to be where I am nearly killed me, several times so far. It's not luck, it's the will to change things and run after your dreams.
It's the will to take one more risk, and start anew. It's never too late, it's out there waiting for you, you just have to find it. I think I found mine. I sure as hell am going over there to see if I did. Call me brave, call me stupid, call me impulsive - I'm going there. I saw love at the other side of that road, and a home, and doing things I love doing. At the end of the day, we all just want to be hugged by the person we love, who loves us, and whom we trust. Find that person and be that person for someone else.
Live your life, it won't live itself by itself, that is all. So, yes I'll be around till end of January 2017, and when I show up after it, you will know I'm checking in from the other side. It will be a different me, but I will still be here. I can't wait for you to meet that me, I can't wait to meet her too, I've been waiting for her all my life.
If you have read this far... Thank you. Know that I am reading your comments, this attention here fills my heart with joy and gives me hope, inspiration to do more, to become better. A better person, a better artist.